


Turning Darkness into Light

by castielrisingabove



Series: 11 canon divergent [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Divergent, Cas appreciation, Destiel - Freeform, Gen, Kissing, M/M, Mute!Cas, Pining, Season 11, eventually, hunts, kinda slow burn, might add more tags when I get a better idea of where this is going, the Dean/Amara connection is alluded to more than anything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-25 15:32:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6200764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielrisingabove/pseuds/castielrisingabove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've gotten Cas back...though he's not quite right yet. Dealing with what Lucifer did to him has taken a toll. But healing is going to have to wait now that The Darkness is once again on the move. And she's got Dean in her sights.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Grape or Strawberry?

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series exploring a canon divergence that springs off after 11.15. If you haven't read "In His Blue Eyes" you will likely be lost.

 

"Grape or strawberry?" 

It's been three weeks since they've gotten Castiel back and the angel still hasn't spoken a word. Sam's been big on trying to get anything out of him that has to do with Amara, after all, she's still a threat and they've got no idea how to stop her. But if Cas remembers anything that Lucifer knew, he isn't making any attempt to show it.

Dean's just gritted his teeth and tried his best to treat Cas like normal. Not that any conversation is particularly normal these days. Anything Dean tries to say is punctuated by Castiel plopping two fingers to his forehead and healing any possible infirmity in Dean's body. On really good days, though, Castiel sometimes nods or shakes his head as a form of response, which has been extremely heartening. 

Which is why Dean has taken Castiel with him to the grocery store. Sam had snorted when Dean had announced this, muttering something about Dean going all domestic. And it's somewhat true. Dean's gotten used to grocery shopping, he likes making lists and coming home with ingredients to cook things for themselves. Bringing Cas is partially to get the angel out of the Bunker, but also partially an excuse to have alone time with him.

They're staring now up at a shelf of various jams and jellys, Dean secretly hoping that by asking the question, Castiel will start to realize that he's an important part of the family. _Right,_ Dean thinks sourly, _All it's gonna take to fix Cas up is letting him choose what jam we eat for lunch._

Castiel considers the question seriously, though, cocking his head as he stares at the colorful glass and plastic containers. After a moment, he shakes his head, looking up at Dean with a worried expression. As though he was scared Dean would be upset by him disagreeing. The look sends a familiar feeling of guilt through Dean's system. He's been feeling this a lot lately.

"We don't gotta get either of those if you don't want 'em," Dean says quickly, giving Cas' shoulder a quick squeeze, "What one do you want?"

He's trying to ask questions that force Castiel to answer aloud. This is just one of many. And while a part of Dean probably would be slightly disappointed if the question Castiel finally chooses to answer aloud has to do with jam preference, at least it would mean Cas was starting to get better.

There's no answer, although Castiel finally points at a jar of raspberry jam. Dean forces a smile, shoving the slight disappointment at Castiel's continuing silence away as he grabs the jam off the shelf. "Nice choice," he says, and Castiel's face lights up. Dean feels a similar swell of pride at the expression, along with something a little more...embarrassing. Because as he spends so much time doting over Castiel, Dean's been admitting to himself more and more that he wouldn't mind if they kissed. At all. 

Of course, he can't exactly kiss Castiel now. Cas isn't speaking, he's right up there with how crazy out of it he was after taking on Sam's hallucinations, and Dean isn't even sure if Castiel feels the same way about him. It would be taking advantage of him at the very least. And Dean can't afford to make Cas seem used at _all_. The angel had been through enough.

Dean's pulled out of his reverie by Cas' fingertips on his forehead. He smiles faintly, moving out of the way before Cas can try to heal him again. "Thanks for the sentiment," Dean murmurs, "But you probably should save that for somethin' important, don't you think?"

Castiel lowers his fingers, nodding softly. Impulsively, Dean takes Cas' hand in his own. Castiel looks down at their hands, smiling shyly. "This okay?" Dean asks, his other hand clenching and opening nervously. Castiel nods and Dean allows himself to smile too.

They peruse the rest of the grocery store hand in hand, Dean asking Castiel about his preference on every food they've got on the list. He chuckles as Cas passes the shelf of white bread and wheat to select one swirled in cinnamon and agrees, after much silent hemming and hawing over peanut butter selection on Cas' part, to buy both the chunky and the creamy so Castiel can better settle his favorite while in the Bunker. 

Dean makes sure to get vegetables (for Sam's rabbit food, he explained to Cas, whose nose had crinkled adorably as he smiled at the thought) as well as the necessary ingredients for burgers he's sure Cas is going to love. He's not one to ever call grocery shopping part of a perfect day, but somehow it is. Being here with Cas, being _happy_...Dean hasn't had a day like this for a long, _long_  time.

It's not that he hasn't been happy. But at some point, and Dean can't rightly say when it happened, things with Sam felt like something was missing. Like family time wasn't fully family time unless Cas was there too. And lately the times they've all been together, it's because they've been fighting something. There's been more than enough monsters to deal with, not even counting the impending threat of Amara, so to take even an hour and forget it all while grocery shopping...well, the false sense of domesticity is nice.

Unfortunately, the feeling is gone the moment Dean opens the door of the Impala, arms laden with groceries, to see Crowley lounging in the passenger seat. "I thought we had this warded," Dean mutters grumpily, shoving the grocery bags into the back seat. The trunk, as always, is already occupied with their traveling weapons stash.

"Save it," Crowley drawls, leaning back a little more in the seat as though making himself comfortable, "We've got ourselves a problem."

"Like I don't already know that," Dean retorts. He feels a gentle nudge as Cas slides past him. He peers curiously at Crowley for a moment before his blue eyes narrow. Cas' gaze doesn't leave the demon as he deposits his allotted grocery bags into the back seat.

Crowley chuckles. "I don't think you do. If you knew what I did, the _last_  thing you'd be doing is going on a domestic field-trip with your broken angel."

Dean's jaw clenches, his hand traveling slowly to the pocket of his jacket where an angel blade was stashed. "He is _not_  broken," he hisses, "And you know as well as I do that we've got jack on the Darkness. Might as well not die of starvation in the meantime."

"Then it's your lucky day," Crowley replies, "Well, kind of. Lucky in that I've dug up some information on the Darkness. Unlucky because the information won't be good news for you."

"Spit it out."

Cas watches them both, blue eyes serene as he monitors the scene.

"We believe the Darkness _wants_  you," Crowley says.

The air seems to grow heavier around them. It's not like this revelation is a surprise, it's something Dean's been struggling with for months now, but somehow hearing Crowley say it makes it all the more real. Solidifies it from merely being a terrifying fear to being an even worse truth. "Tell me something I don't know," Dean mutters.

"You _knew?_ " Crowley's aghast, lifting out of the seat to stare Dean down, "Do you know what she plans with you?"

"No!" Dean shakes his head, "All I know is there's some creepy connection going on, I'm not running around _enjoying_  this!"

"Then you won't be thrilled to hear her long-term plans," Crowley replies darkly."

"Which are?"

"The Darkness wants to spread," Crowley says, "She wants to take over the Earth." 

"World domination, great," Dean's sarcasm is rising. He flops down into the front seat, forgetting for the moment about the angel hovering outside, "What else is new?"

"She can't seem to do it on her own," Crowley completely ignores Dean's jibe, "Her attempts, those Darkness-induced zombies we've seen cropping up, aren't sustainable. Her connection to them seems to be too overpowering. She needs a human that shares her connection, the ties to the darkness."

"Me." Dean's heart starts to pound, he doesn't want to know where this is going to lead. He runs a tongue across his chapped lip, trying to keep from showing his fear to a demon he's not even sure he can trust.

"Exactly. With you she can have the perfect combination of human and darkness."

"What do you mean?" Dean's voice is hoarse and his eyes are fixed firmly on his shoes. He doesn't want to process this, the world is starting to shrink in onto him.

Crowley shrugs, "This is where we're not quite sure. Either she has a way to turn you like her or...well, she'll use you to connect on the most intimate way possible and..." 

"Sex?" Dean is disgusted, "You mean the grand plan of the Darkness might be to use me to impregnate her?"

"Either way," Crowley replies, eyes hard, "She'll use you in ways you cannot imagine. You'll be hers."

"This is--it's--" Dean's struggling to breath, the world starting to spin, "What kind of bullshit is that? I'm never gonna agree--" He pitches forwards, stomach rolling, air squeezing in and out of his throat with a wheeze. Dean's going to be sick. Actually, physically sick at the thought of Amara doing _anything_  like that to him. 

Suddenly, the symptoms are all gone. Dean can still feel the panic raging inside him, but now it's just Cas' fingertips against his neck. Dean doesn't want to turn to see Cas, Cas who had to hear all of that, but he does anyway. Cas' brow is furrowed, his blue eyes sparkling with worry.

"Hate to interrupt a moment," Crowley's gravely voice crushes any calm that Dean was gaining from Cas, "But this puts us in a real predicament, don't you think?"

"Not more than we've already been in," Dean retorts, trying his hardest to focus on Cas, whose hand now rests reassuringly on Dean's shoulder. "Why don't you just come back when you've got more concrete facts?"

Crowley shrugs, "Fair enough. Don't let the Darkness slip into your pants in the meantime. I know how you get around attractive women." He smirks and with a wink, vanishes. 

The sick feeling is starting to come back. Little makes Dean feel grosser than remembering his time with Crowley as a demon, especially with Cas so close, but Amara's definitely one of the few things that can top it. He can feel the bile rising until Cas presses his fingers against Dean's throat again. 

Then Cas leaves, making his way around the car and into the passenger's seat. It's not enough time for Dean to compose himself. Then again, Dean's not sure if there could ever be enough time for that. Dean finds himself wishing, as Cas meticulously straps in his seat belt, that the angel was back. Not for the mojo or the fighting skills, but for the strangely effective comfort the other being could provide. Cas would probably say something about how he believed in Dean, how he wouldn't leave his side, how much he cared about the hunter...

Dean looks up at Cas, silently begging the angel to say something. Cas meets his gaze for a moment, then hesitates, looking down. Dean swallows, terrified by what that could mean, when he feels Cas' lips press gently against his forehead, right against his hairline. It's a soft, intimate gesture that seems to make all the other worries dissipate. Dean's tempted for a moment to pull Castiel into a real kiss, but he resists. If, no, _when_ , Dean kisses him, he wants the moment to be perfect, not some easy fix to run the fear of the Darkness away. 

"Thanks, Cas," Dean says instead, giving the angel's hand a quick squeeze. He lingers for a moment, they both do, before pulling away. Dean sighs, turning the key and allowing the Impala to roar to life. "Guess we've got work to do."


	2. Chapter 2

_The world is strangely still, the familiar hum and buzz of life all but gone. Dean opens his eyes to find himself staring up at the night sky. The moon is a mere sliver. He rubs his face, trying to figure out how he got...where is he?_

 

_Dean pushes to standing and surveys his surroundings. His stomach clenches as he notes a familiar rusted sign: STULL CEMETERY. The last time he was here, he'd watched Castiel be blown to pieces and his brother launch himself into the Cage. How he's gotten here now...Dean can't quite remember._

_As he wanders past the many graves, Dean feels a strange sensation and he realizes he's not alone. Turning slowly, Dean faces the last person he wants to be alone with. Amara. Her dress is somehow darker than the night itself, still plunging in a dramatically low V down her chest. She smiles, but her eyes hold no light._

_"What are we doing here?" Dean shouts. He tries to back away but it feels like his feet are frozen to the ground. Dean tries to fight the pull that happens next. That feeling that comes over him when he's around her, like metal drawn to a magnet._

_Amara makes her way slowly towards him, her bare feet poking out from the edge of the dress. Swish. Swish. Swish. It's all Dean can hear._

_"Don't you already know, Dean?" she asks, snaking an arm around his waist. Her other hand trails slowly up his chest. Dean grits his teeth, trying to force away the overpowering desire that rose almost like bile within him. "I want you..."_

_She doesn't give him a chance to reply, pressing her lips against his and Dean is ashamed of how quickly he gives in. He allows himself to get lost in her, the feel of her lips, the taste of her skin: a now familiar bitterness._

_"Dean!"_

_The voice, deep and gravely, yanks Dean back to reality. He jerks away from Amara, though still within her embrace, to see Castiel. Though it was night, Castiel seems to glow ever so slightly, the brightness lighting up his brilliant blue eyes. It's the first time he's heard Castiel talk in months. And that moment, the moment that Dean had planned on being perfect, was happening here and now._

_But Castiel doesn't seem angry. His eyes are full of hurt and worry. "Dean, come back!"_

_Dean wants to shout that he can't, that she's too powerful, but something inside him, for the first time, is rising. Strength. Gritting his teeth, Dean pulls out of Amara's grasp and steps back. She looks shocked._

_"You're mine," she whispers, stepping towards him, but once again Dean steps away. One step, then two, then three, then he's running. Away from her. And towards Cas. His heart feels light and he can't contain a smile when he sees that Castiel's eyes are aglow with pride._

_"Dean," he says, his voice excited, "I-"_

_But he's cut off by Amara, who's begun to laugh, the sound booming through the clear night sky. Cas pushes Dean away, raising his angel blade. His face has slipped into the familiar seriousness in seconds as he glowers at Amara._

_"Oh, I'm not going to hurt you," Amara croons, walking slowly towards the pair of them. She smiles widely as she stops in front of the angel, eyes surveying him, "Your brother's left quite a hole in you, hasn't he? And it's got me thinking..."_

_Her fingers tiptoe up Cas' tie and Dean swallows a surge of rage. Castiel looks worried, he eyes flicking from her towards Dean, then back. "Dean might not want me...but he wants **you**."_

_The world comes to a standstill, Dean's breath hitching in his throat. His heartbeat pounds the same thought over and over again._

_Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas._

_"Anything to make Dean happy, right?" Amara says softly, licking her lips as she locks eye contact._

_"Don't hurt him!" Dean growls, but it's only that: a growl. He can't muster more._

_Amara laughs again before jerking back her head. With a scream that fills the sky, the Darkness leaves her vessel. She's darker than any demon, her form far more corporeal. Cas' eyes widen as the realization sinks in and he turns to face Dean, fear etched in his face._

_"Dean," now his voice is desperate, "I--"_

_But he's cut off by the Darkness entering his body. Castiel's screams mix with Amara's and Dean can't help but look away, unable to bear the agonizing pain Castiel appears to be in._

_The screaming stops. Silence descends. Dean feels Castiel's calloused palm against his cheek. He keeps his eyes squeezed shut, trying to squelch out the wanting that burns in his chest._

_Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas._

_"Dean." It's Castiel's voice, but it's not his angel. Not Lucifer, either, Lucifer was far more harsh and flippant with Castiel's voice. No, Amara's dangerously gentle, cruelly seductive. The pad of Cas' thumb trails across Dean's cheekbone and Dean opens his eyes. The glow behind the familiar blue eyes is gone. "Dean," she says again, "I love you."_

_That's when Dean starts to scream._

_\---_

He wakes up, throat burning, a strange ringing in his ears. It takes Dean a moment to register the sounds are his own. He's still screaming.

Gentle fingertips brush against his forehead and Dean jerks away from the rush of grace like it's electric. Then he's attacking. Blind punches and kicks, little more than violent flailing that would have disgusted his father but Dean doesn't care. He's dimly aware of a lamp smashing and a strange guttural sound. The tiniest glimpse of Cas' face reveals he's trying desperately to speak. All the while, Dean is still screaming, the sound clawing his throat on the way out as he lands a punch somewhere.

Sam bursts into the room, gun raised at all the commotion. It's down in seconds as he's lunging--not towards Cas, but towards Dean? Dean doesn't manage to register this fact in time, Sam's strong arms wrapping around Dean's chest and pulling him away from the angel.

"You're safe, Dean," Sam says over and over, "You've got to calm down." 

The screaming stops and Dean works to fill his burning lungs with air. Sam holds Dean tight, murmuring more reassurances as Castiel's fingers brush against Dean's forehead again. Dean reaches up to grip Cas' hand, eyes meeting the angel's for the first time.

He knows in a moment it's Cas. The blue eyes are soft and kind, though swimming with tears. The guttural sound still emits from the angel's throat and Dean realizes he's struggling to speak.

"I'm sorry Cas," Dean's voice is scratchy and raw. He tugs half out of Sam's grasp to pull Castiel to his chest. The three of them remain tangled in a messy hug. Sam falls asleep first, snoring into Dean's shoulder. Dean clings to Cas as the angel gently presses his head against Dean's chest, blue eyes drifting closed. It is only then, blessedly safe and protected by the ones he loves, that Dean too can fall back asleep. His eyes, before closing, are only for the angel.

He'll deal with the nightmare when they wake.


End file.
